I enter this year with very mixed emotions. As I look inward and outward, I have a very hard time reconciling what I see with what I need to believe. I seriously want to trust God for every little minutia in my life. It’s not easy to live with two different mindsets within yourself and within a family. The Bible says you cannot serve two masters. That is so true. That is why I’m not writing a blog today about my New Year’s resolutions.
I would love to say that I am going to lose 25 pounds, read my Bible every day, pray without ceasing, be the perfect wife and mother, and balance my checkbook every month. Yeah. What I am going to do is strive toward making those tasks become habits in my life. My first step, however, is to pray that I have the strength and wisdom in these areas before I tackle them and possibly mess them up.
The one goal I am going to make this year is as follows: i am going to have some “ME” time to MYSELF. Whether I put on instant-dry nail polish (2 coats), or I soak my feet, or I have a facial, or I flip through a magazine and actually read an article, I am going to have some ME time to MYSELF. I seriously have a huge stack of magazines that I have not read for the past 6-9 months. I finally took the nail polish off 2-3 weeks ago when there was hardly any left. I want some time to myself.
I have a two-year-old. I’m weary. I am potty-training (which is going very well), I am homeschooling (wrote 10 weeks of stuff last week), I am cleaning a house and trying to organize it around 5 people and a dog, and I am trying to incorporate a few of these non-resolutions into my life. In other words, I want balance. My candle is burning at both ends and I need the time to organize and recharge so I can fully live.
I have no idea what this year holds. If the “fiscal cliff” is any indication, it’s not going to be so easy of a year. Taxes are going up, spending cuts are only happening in the average Joe’s household, and people are wondering where it’s all going to lead. There’s talk of guns being banned, then confiscated. Religious freedoms and liberties being trampled upon. It’s a pretty dark and grim world out there, people. I have no illusions of Utopia.
But I am practical.
I do my best to plan and prepare (which relieves a lot of stress). I pray and ask God for wisdom to spend the money where I should and not be frivolous (I don’t always listen, but I’m getting a lot better). I try to keep my part of the household running and organized. I also try to keep my head above the smog. I try to keep the negativity down, because it will really infiltrate your thoughts.
I am looking at this year with expectancy, as I posted a couple of weeks ago. I am looking for a deeper sense of self and purpose in God. I am seeking the heart of God in a whole new way and I know that He will hear me. I am looking forward to the homeschooling lessons and the enthusiasm that Beanster shows in his work. I am looking toward a deeper love in my marriage and a commonality in mind and spirit.
I know it sounds like high expectations, but after a few years of lower mindsets and negative thinking, I am more than willing to try something more. I am not asking anyone else to follow me, but I am asking this of myself. Maybe if I say “please” to myself, it will be easier, eh? Seriously, though, let’s go out and live this year like it was meant to be!
Peace and love, everyone.